We all have a tendency to say or do impulsive things when we are in the middle of a relationship fight
This is absolutely normal: being in a relationship argument is an intense emotional experience and it can bring out the worst in everyone.
However, there are some things you should never, ever say during a relationship fight:
You are crazy/stupid/delirious/unbearable/insane/etc.!
These kinds of insults easily slip when you’re truly triggered and challenged. Of course, you don’t actually mean it, but your partner might take it to heart in an instant.
While you are in the middle of a relationship fight. Be careful with these kinds of statements because they are absolutely destructive. They bring you no sense of relief, they hurt your partner and they are not even true in the first place.
If you don’t do X, I will do Y.
Emotional ultimatums are a dangerous playground: setting up emotional manipulations is a slippery slope, to begin with. But if you threaten someone, be prepared for them going the other way.
A classic ultimatum ends with “if you don’t… I will leave you”, but a lot of people don’t count on the fact that this might leave them alone at the end of the relationship fight. All in all, setting up an emotional ultimatum is a lose-lose situation.
Swearwords and insults
Just like the first point, heavy language can easily surface when you’re experiencing intense emotions.
However, it has been proven that using swearwords quickly intensifies and deepens the argument during relationship fights. If you would like to keep your argument civil and under control, don’t swear at, yell, or insult your partner.
Insecurities Attacks
Knowing your partner’s insecurities and taking advantage of them in an argument is the low blow when it comes to relationship fights.
If you don’t want your partner to clam up and stop sharing their intimate details, never use their insecurities as an emotional attack during an argument.
My ex would never…
During a serious relationship fight, comparing your partner to your ex is a one-way street to breaking up. Simply imagine how you would feel if your partner compared you to their ex. We all like to feel unique and appreciated, and comparing your partner to your ex in a negative way is one of the most hurtful things you can say to your partner.
“Always” and “Never” generalizations
Arguments are usually full of “Always” and “Never” sentences (You always do that! / You never listen to me!). These statements are, of course, never absolutely true.
Saying these things only perpetuates subjective and black-and-white thinking, which is not part of a constructive argument. If you would like to falsely accuse someone, you cannot go wrong with an “always” sentence.
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Solve your issues through equal-to-equal discussions in a productive way. Never let your relationship fights ruin your day or other parts of your life.
