Online dating is so easy, convenient, and the possibility of meeting dozens of potential partners in a matter of minutes is thrilling. But sometimes online dating has unintentional consequences. Gomarry.com calls it “ghosting”, the fizzle out is a very real aspect of modern dating.
You connect with someone online; you both are middle children, like hiking, and Thai food. You make a plan to meet, and text regularly. Right up until the date you both are excitingly exchanging messages. The date is pleasant enough, you both have a nice evening, and tentatively make plans for a second one. But since the date, the texting slows down, and then eventually just stops all together. Times connections are made, several dates are had, maybe you spend a few months together, but the texting eventually just fizzles out without a word as to why – both end with the same outcome. It’s an unfortunate part of dating today.
Feelings are inevitably going to be hurt when a connection just fizzles out, especially in the very early stages of dating. Egos are bruised, and it comes with a lot of disappointment. Even if you didn’t think this person was your one true love, when you are ghosted, it’s hard not to take that personally. We labor what may have happened, what we could have done differently, and what is wrong with us. Dating sometimes feels like one big long job interview to marriage so the idea of starting over can be overwhelming. Therefore, how to deal with the fizzle out in the early stages of dating?
Before you become jaded, and burned out on dating altogether, make yourself a priority. Perhaps that means you need to lay off dating until your mind is clear. Make a set of goals for yourself, and try your best to accomplish them in a set amount of time. If you can, hire a life coach to help organize your thoughts, ideas, and ambitions.
If your goal is a long-term relationship, you may need to change your approach. This could mean that you vet your dates more carefully. You are open and honest with them from the get-go. No need to waste your time on someone that doesn’t want the same things as you. Let them know what you expect in a partner, I’m sure they will appreciate this as well. And, again, this can be exhausting, so if you are taking time for yourself, it’s a great opportunity to for you to sit down and really prioritize your intentions.
And lastly, start changing your mindset. Turn those negative thoughts into positive ones. For example, change “I’m going to be alone forever” to “I’m alone now because I haven’t found the right one yet.” Of course, this is easier said than done, but if you repeat this over and over again, you might start to believe. This can also really help to take the sting out of that fizzle, as you can’t control the actions of others. Plus, we really do manifest what we put out into the world.
