Is honesty always the best policy? Relationship experts will you have to believe so. In order for the success of any long term relationship, there just can’t be any secrets. Secrets have the ability to eat away at the person holding them in and, and when they just can’t hold anymore, they explode. We have all witnessed this scenario before, and many times the results are not pretty. So, what if what you are holding back from your partner is potentially very harmful, and could damage your relationship irrevocably? Should you tell them? Is ignorance bliss? Is shielding them the truth in their best interest or yours? But, in the end, if you want to save your relationship and your sake. Confession is the best possible way to create/bring back the broken trust.
Confessing Infidelity
One of the first things that pop into my mind when someone holds something back from their partner is infidelity. When you cheat on your partner, the pain and guilt from betraying them is something that will be hard to keep inside you. Every time you look at them it will be a reminder of what you did. Until you confess, the truth of your cheating will eat away at you little by little until you just can’t hold it in any longer. You will have to understand that your confession will come at a cost. Your partner will go through a myriad of emotions at your admission. And the outcome is anyone’s guess. If you come out on the other side still together, just know that this will change your dynamic for a long time, if not for good.
Like in the case of cheating, confessions that are so earth-shatteringly hurtful, the majority of the time they don’t bring couples closer together. It erodes trust, and once that is gone, it’s harder to earn that back.
Confession Brings Closer
One of my friend’s recently told me a story about his wife. She was hiding credit card debt from him for quite some time. She racked up about a twenty thousand dollar balance on a few different cards. Before she came clean, he witnessed a change in her. She had trouble sleeping, she was evasive, and was all around distant from her husband. When she finally confessed to the debt, her husband felt a mixture of relief, anger, and concern. He was relieved that her confession wasn’t something more serious, like cancer or infidelity, but he was also angry that she hid this from him and concerned at how they will pay this debt.
After the initial shock wore off, they sat down together and worked on a plan to get rid of this high balance together. This process actually had a surprising effect; they became closer than they ever were. This saw them communicating and working together as a team more than they have before. It’s a shame that a twenty thousand dollar balance had to incur for them to come to this, but her confession had been such a unifying experience.
It’s hard to make a sweeping statement that confessions make a relationship stronger. And how each person will receive the secrets withheld by their partner will depend on each individual. In the above case of my friend and his wife, if he was a different person, the outcome could have been very different. So, what it comes down to is the morals and ethics you hold close to you, and what you are willing to put up with and what you are not.
