While a good marriage is built on honesty, the stereotypes we hear about marriage are often pure lies! From why marriages end to how they begin, it might turn out that a lot of what you thought you knew, simply isn’t true. Today we are looking at 5 lies you’ve probably heard about marriage.
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5. A common affair
Simply put; being cheated on sucks! Yet if you ask most people what they think the number one cause of divorce is, you’ll likely hear infidelity as a top response. Surprisingly though this isn’t actually the number one cause of divorce. According to a study by the Divorce Mediation Program, an unfaithful partner is more often than not a symptom of an already troubled relationship, an unfortunate side effect of a multitude of other causes. And married couples aren’t blind to this, according to the same study men and women both cited a lack of closeness and connection as the cause of their divorce around 80% of the time, whereas extramarital affairs accounted for only about 25%.
Dr. John and Julie Gottman, marriage specialists have found through over 40 years of clinical work that the notion of a forbidden attraction is actually not the primary reason for spouses to cheat but in fact, simple loneliness topped the list.
4. Monogamy = Monotony
For a long time, the rumour has persisted that with marriage comes a sort of given sexual rut. Unfortunately for this stereotype, science has proven it wrong time and time again with married couples not just having more regular sex but more varied and experimental sex as well. While this might sound more than a little hopeful, there are some pretty solid reasons why. As it turns out, married couples benefit from a greater sense of comfort together and are more likely to discuss and explore fantasies than their single, actively dating, counterparts, furthermore women are 75% more likely to report sexual satisfaction in a committed marriage than with a variety of partners. So just how many people actually are starving for intimacy – well it turns out only 6% of married women can say that it’s been over a year since they’ve had sex, in these cases, there is also a percentage who may have medical or professional reasons for this drought. Either way 6% isn’t such a bad number compared to what we so often see on T.V and in movies.
3. Children deepen your bond
Many couples feel that a weakening marriage can be strengthened by having children together, the theory being that the journey of childbearing and the resulting relationship you both have with the child will help stimulate the bond between you. Sadly while someone at some time may have benefited from this advice the fact is that if science is to be believed, having children should be reserved only for the strongest of couples.
Children will not only bring you a sense of family but they can also bring many new points of friction into your relationship, not the least of which will be parenting style. Inevitably everybody has their own concepts of ideal parenting and communication is key – chances are if your relationship is on the rocks already than communication is just one of many issues that will see increased strain with the addition of a child. Even these basic pressures of your new parenting role may be enough to cause irreparable damage in relationships the could have otherwise been saved
2. One Wedding = One Marriage
So you find the perfect partner, you go through months or even years of courtship before deciding to tie the knot, then you spend some time engaged, you say some vows and start your life together, surely that’s all right? Surely by then, you know how your relationship will look? The answer might surprise you, in fact, in an article discussing marriage misconceptions, author Paul Angone recounts a story in which a mentor of his claimed to have been married seven times – to one woman.
The point of this anecdote was simple, your marriage today might not be your marriage tomorrow and your life together shouldn’t be hammered into an unwavering mould, each of us are changing as people all the time and when you share your life as closely with someone as you do with a spouse, it is unrealistic to expect neither of you to change over the course of your marriage. Change like this is natural but if it is viewed as a betrayal or a negative happening in any way, it will only lead to resentment and inevitably trouble in your marriage.
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1. Marriage is a 50/50 Thing
I bet you’ve heard this saying more than once before, however, the expectation of each person putting in their 50% each and every day is unattainable and toxic. Marriage may feel unfair sometimes and that’s ok because it is. The scales are not always balanced, at times you will need more from your spouse than they need from you, sometimes the opposite will be true. If you invest too much energy in expecting a full 50% from your partner at all times you will fail to provide the support and compassion that will allow them to give a bit extra when you cannot give your all. Remember that a healthy marriage can last a lifetime and you may need your partner to give a little extra for you in the years to come.
Some of these old wives tale date back generations, however with the advent of greater and greater techniques for gathering data we are able to investigate in order to learn more about just what makes the average marriage tick. All the data in the world can’t take the place of a connection rooted in a genuinely shared vision of the future if you’re tired of swiping left and right check out Go Marry.com.
GoMarry.com – The biggest marriage only relationship service. Unlike regular dating sites that only promise you another date, our members are ready and looking for commitment, marriage, and family. Don’t waste time on dating sites talking to insincere people. Find your perfect husband or wife to start your family right now at GoMarry.com