There is not just a little to discuss before a marriage- there is a lot. Marriage is much more than a certificate or a big wedding day. It is a lifetime of new responsibilities and roles. You might think that love is all you need. However, when it comes down to the brass tacks, there is much more that needs to be pondered than just your vows. You need to be having actual conversations with your boyfriend or girlfriend and deciding whether things should go ahead.
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1. Do you Want Kids?
This is kind of obvious. And yet, so many couples break up over this question. It’s much better to know the deal before marriage than after. Some people cannot live without having kids. It’s on their top five list and might even be more important than just having a spouse. All power to those people. Having children is a blessing. However, it’s a day in, day out thankless job, so it’s not something to take lightly!
Some women don’t want to go through the pain of childbirth, some men are sterile and some people could be on medication that might not be good for the baby. You never know the personal circumstances of a person these days, so make sure you talk beforehand honestly about your expectations, or lack thereof.
2. Do you Want to Live in the City or a Small Town?
You might think that everyone is a city slicker or that you don’t even need to ask. However, never assume. Some people want to live in a small town or out in the country. They may yearn for a lifestyle where they are not surrounded by commerce. You need to be on the same page about this form of lifestyle. When it comes down to it, it is important that you narrow down the choice to city, small town, or “super flexible as long as I’m with you”.
3. Are you Close with Your Parents?
People think that you don’t need to worry about this, but you certainly do. Some partners are so burned by their parents that they want to live a life free from parental intrusion. Others really like their parents and are attached at the hip. They couldn’t imagine not calling their parents every day. While that might change when they’re married, they will still want that close bond.
We’re not saying there is a right or wrong answer for this. After all, there’s no manual for marriage. However, if you are one of those people who feels strongly about the subject, or your partner does, you should talk about it before tying the knot. They say that in some families you marry the family as well. In some instances, the parents can be a little nutty but your partner is divine. And other parents can be simply delightful. Just find out how much interaction each of you wants with the other’s family. But be warned it can be a red flag if your partner doesn’t want you to interact with a family that you were previously close knit with.
4. Will there be Two Bread Winners or One?
If there could be a number one question that partners argue over inadvertently, it’s this. They are essentially squabbling over finances, and it has led to many a divorce.
You can’t really judge a person for being honest. Some women or men want to live a certain lifestyle. They can’t be doing this if one of them doesn’t want to do any work. There will be a lot of struggle between two partners if one of them wants a beautiful home and the other person is happy in a caravan. Setting one’s expectations about money before the marriage is the best time. If both of you work, then maybe you will have to employ a maid or get daycare for a small child. But you can’t be working at minimum wage while your partner stays at home and expect to afford all the little luxuries in life. It just won’t happen that way.
5. Do you Want to Practice Your Religion?
Some religions and cultures warn against marrying those outside the religion. That’s because there can be major clashes down the road between two people that aren’t of the same faith. To one person, following all the laws of their holy book is vital. Imagine the other partner feels that religion is a sham and lives a totally different way. For example, a man might expect a woman to obey them according to their religious law and culture. But to an outsider on this practice, that mindset might seem antiquated and laughable, if one has a good sense of humor. And not just that, it could be deeply offensive to the woman, as that mentality is to most of the world. You can see how religion shapes even the way people treat each other. And a woman who is not of that religion who feels she is being treated inferior might be deeply troubled by her husband’s mentality. It’s better to find this out before a lifelong commitment that can be difficult to get out of.
6. Do you Want to Wait until Marriage?
This question ties in with religion as well. But it is a whole separate issue for some people. Some people just want to wait until marriage because they want their wedding night to be special. They want to make sure that their partner can have enough self control to hold off what so many people may take for granted.
In a culture that is instant, you may think you are a minority if you wait until marriage. However, if partners really love each other, they will understand your wishes. Even better, they will have that mentality of wanting to wait themselves so you’re totally in sync. Many of the men and women you meet at GoMarry.com believe in traditional values, so if you’re looking for that in a partner, don’t waste any more time!
7. What Qualities Do you Need out of a Partner?
Any good relationship thrives on respect. Asking who you want the other person to be for you is not a weird question. Some qualities can really be cultivated in an individual. You just need to work on them Consciously.
If you value honesty and disclosure, then you need to work on a relationship that thrives on these characteristics. Be proactive on telling the other person that you wish they would share a bit more with you and that you don’t want them to hold back. The other person might just be shocked because that person might not be used to sharing their inner most feelings. All this can be worked on, but do it before marriage and not in marriage counselling sessions.
Ah counselling. There is pre-marital counseling and there is just preparing to get to that phase. Try to make your relationship so healthy that the pre-screening is a breeze by heading on over to GoMarry.com to start building a relationship with a like minded person.
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