Ever been on a date with someone and sparks are so hot that you imagine what your babies would look like? Yeah, we’ve all been there. We have thought about what they would look like, the color theme to our wedding, good baby names that go with their last name and where you would live together. Those sparks usually fizzle out once you learn he is throwing sparks all over the city. Or sometimes, you find out what those babies look like, and of course, they are even cuter than you could imagine. For most of us though, we move on and find someone else to fantasize about a future with.
Some people, however, never get past the stage of fantasy and we want to know why? Love addicts and fantasy addicts can’t seem to commit to something real and instead live in the realm of dreams. What does this addiction do to our lives? Is this a productive way to love?
We know as teenagers that every crush became a fantasy relationship. Maybe they showed you some attention and you imagined that they would eventually fall in love with you. This is usually how most first crushes and first loves turn out. It can be pretty wretched but we learn as we become adults what makes up a healthy relationship and a healthy fantasy.
Most of the time, this addiction can spark from actual unavailability of the heart. We set our sights on those equally as unavailable time and time again because it is easier than ever actually letting someone in. For some, usually teenagers, this stage will pass. But for those that continue this pattern on repeat, it can have a negative effect on their life. Are you making yourself unavailable by fantasizing over the unavailable?
Those obsessed with unavailable or inappropriate partners, for example, teachers or someone who is married, they can fill their life with imagined ideas of their romantic story. ‘One day, he will turn around and realize he has loved me all along’ – this is a fantasy. This won’t happen. If someone is emotionally unavailable, they will continue to be emotionally unavailable. I blame fairy tales.
These additions, however, can cause serious problems for those affected. If you are addicted to a fantasy relationship it will become all consuming and this will influence all areas of your life. To you, the only thing that holds any significance is the relationship you have created in your head.
To fix this issue in your life, you must look inward. Usually, obsessions over fantasy relationships begin within. Ask yourself the questions; why do you seek unavailable people? Why are you unavailable? Do you really want to love it? Do you really want to find a partner?
How Can I Avoid Being Single Forever? It is another article which might help you work through some things.
Fixing what is within can help us to start to develop healthy and meaningful experiences which could lead you down a road towards a healthy and meaningful relationship.