When you read dating advice or listen to the couple’s therapists, you’ll hear all kinds of different tips: show affection, give each other presents and compliments, do trust exercises… This is all great and shiny while the relationship is going well, but what about when something takes a wrong turn? It is time to give proper credit to the importance of arguing in a relationship. Fighting in a healthy relationship is not a negative thing and it’s necessary for the couple and the relationship to grow. Real couples fight all the time. Experts claim that couples who never argue, on the other hand, have unhealthy and repressed communication patterns.
Sounds like fighting is good for you! But, how can you make sure that you stay in the productive zone and not cross the line into destruction? Read these tips on how to master the art of fighting in a relationship.
Embrace the Fight
This step is related to the misconception that fighting is something negative. When you and your partner fight, recognize it as an occasion when something is bothering you. But, change your perspective: you both have an issue, and instead of bottling it up, you’re expressing your frustration to each other! Sounds great, right? Well, however silly it may seem, fighting really is productive and healthy for a couple. Embrace it and don’t be sad or angry when the two of you get into a fight.
Keep it Calm
If there’s one thing that can bring your relationship from rock-solid to shaky in a matter of minutes, it’s an aggressive argument. If you want your fight to remain productive and not spill over into the area of we’re-never-coming-back-from-this, keep things calm. Don’t raise your voice, don’t swear or use offensive language. The only true danger of fighting in a relationship is things getting out of hand. As long as you’re both calm, things are still great.
Don’t Just Talk, Listen Too
One of the primary causes of rows that go on for hours and days and then turn into year-long grudges is miscommunication. When you think about it, honestly, while your partner is presenting their point of view, you’re probably already thinking about your reply and not listening too much.
Practice the skill called active listening. Instead of always pushing your agenda, show your partner that you’re listening to them and processing their arguments. It’s very hard to stay mad and argumentative when someone is listening to you carefully.
Don’t Ignore the Fight Afterwards
All couples fight, but what differs is how they handle the fight afterward. Don’t put your recent fight under the carpet and pretend like it never happened. Now that you’re both in a place of calm, you can discuss what happened and rehash your feelings and reactions. This is one of the best ways to get over a fight and get even stronger than before.
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