Most relationships only last 3 to 6 months. The reality is, you are going to need to kiss a whole lot of frogs before you finally find charming & interestingly one. This is not only because of the superficial exterior of dating but is also deeply rooted in psychological and biological behaviors. Knowing why some meaningful relationship usually don’t make it passed this mark? Probably won’t change much for your dating future. But it certainly will help in navigating yourself through those first unlucky 5 with the right person.
Why It Doesn’t Last
Lust! Biologically, human beings are preprogrammed for procreation and the survival of our species. When we meet someone for the first time our brains and hormones are wired to one thing. Is this person a compatible mate to create offspring? Assuming you are sexually compatible, you will begin to get to know each other. In that time, the mask will come off and you will begin to see the person for who they are and not the person they portrayed themselves as to attract you. Experiencing people’s quirks and irritations requires a conscious effort to move past. If you don’t feel strongly enough for someone the relationship will be doomed to fail.
Give and Take
An established meaningful relationship is dependant on giving and take. When you are investing your time and effort into someone else you expect a return on that investment. If the investment doesn’t yield the returns you are expecting you will cash out and find someone else to invest in. Quite simple, once the superficial first phase of your relationship winds down, a partner that doesn’t meet your generosity needs won’t cut.
For some, the idea of a lasting, meaningful relationship means they have to trust and become vulnerable. Previous unresolved emotions from past relationships can spill over and cause you to sabotage an otherwise perfect coupling. Unfortunately, bad breakups and a string of previous relationships change our thought process. We enter into the new relationship with the mindset that it cannot work for whatever reason. This, coupled with our old baggage means the relationship is doomed from the get-go.
The dating pool is filled with more over-inflated egos and personality masks than the rock n roll hall of fame. As time passes, we are privy to the everyday lives of our new partner. We put less effort into our appearance and forget that the initial impression we tried to make was what attracted our partner to us in the first place. At this point, the relationship can go either way. Either we are accepting of the person underneath the mask, or we become extremely disappointed with what we perceive to be deception on their part. The truth is, unless you have known someone for most of their lives, you are going to need to accept them for what they are outside of the dating pool, warts and all.
Check out this article: Surviving a Break-Up and Coming Back Stronger.
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