31. Roles and responsibilities of each spouse

The roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives are ever changing. Often dictated by culture, need and innate nature.

In my culture, men are often the bread winners while women the nurturers of the family. That said, my wife comes from an entirely different culture than mine and yet we both adhere to this arrangement because we talked about it from the onset.

Think about your norms, culture, needs and nature. I include “nature” in the mix because I believe we perform best when we stay in tune with our innate nature.

Discuss the different roles and responsibilities that each of you should play and are comfortable with. Keep it limited to major deal breakers only. For almost everything else in a relationship, there is a question in this guide.

  • Are there any responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of the husband or wife? Why do you believe this?
  • Do you expect your husband/wife to be the main earner, is he/she ok with this?
  • Who will be the main nurturer and home keeper?
  • Do you expect that you are both equally responsible? What is your idea of a fair division of roles and responsibilities?
  • What do you expect the other to do, and if they don’t do it, are they right for you?
  • If you differ, is there a compromise? if not then walk away.

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