Before I tell you about Marriage Meetings, I need to tell you quickly what is wrong with Dating. Essentially, I see Dating as being the human equivalent of the mating dance, where you go above and beyond to impress a potential spouse, often depicting a sugar coated version of yourself. In real life this facade is not maintainable and never is.
Dates often require unnecessary expenditure & your not allowed to talk about the day to day boring stuff (which really matters and your going to have to do anyway). You have to get intimate and vest your heart into it… whilst never knowing if the other person is really into you or just trying before buying and has not made their mind up yet.
But the biggest issue with dating is the time wasting, which often exceeds 10 years of your prime life. There is not much left of most people after a decade plus of dating and bearing so much heart ache from various break ups. Thus the marriages that do end up going through, fail 50% of the time, because at this stage there is nothing left of most people to invest in a marriage to make it work, everyone is on their back foot as no one likes getting hurt.
Marriage meetings are a very formal way of dating and thats why they work better than regular Dating because they allow you to find out everything about a person within days, in a semi formal setting, what they are really bringing to the table without vesting your heart & time into the relationship. You get to ask tough questions like, would they like children, when and how many? Can you cook and whose going to be paying the bills? All without looking crazy or being judged.
Below is a proper in detailed explanation.
A Marriage Meeting is where your potential partner and yourself, plus two additional people get together in order to learn about each other. The questions in this guide will be how you learn about each other without missing anything important. Just as a pilot has a checklist before takeoff you have a checklist before getting married. You don’t have to understand how it works, just have faith that it does and should you prevail and still marry this person opposite you then I can promise you that you will have a very high chance of a successful & content marriage.
What’s the Purpose of a marriage meeting?
Most relationships fail gradually. Over time, you learn new things about your partner, some of which are not to your liking and thus negativity and regret starts to build up, eventually leading to the failure of that relationship.
Marriage meetings allow you to get all the skeletons/demons out of the closet before any commitment is made.
Where should this meeting take place?
The marriage meeting should take place somewhere public. It is absolutely important that you are not hidden away and there should be a safe and comfortable way for one party to leave should they choose to. Pick somewhere quiet like a coffee shop, a park etc, somewhere populated but not too busy as to cause distraction or inconvenience.
Who will attend?
Both of you should bring one additional person. Let’s call them your “check-mate”; the mate who keeps you in check! This is a responsible person who will have a level head and look out for your best interests. Choose someone who will not hesitate to scrutinise the other person, ask the questions maybe you will shy away from and ensure your are being the real you. This person must be your senior though not necessarily age wise. This could be a colleague, a boss, a family friend, a senior family member or maybe someone of high standing from within your community. The person you bring must be someone you trust and you must listen to them when they bring up concerns. And they must absolutely not be a yes man who will just go along with what you say otherwise they are useless to you.
Marriage Meetings are not dates
These meetings are not to be confused with dates. During dates, one tends to woo and aim to please their potential partner in what I refer to the human equivalent of the mating dance. But in marriage meetings, one should set out to ask the questions so as to get a clear picture of their potential partner’s stance in comparison to your own.
Why Marriage Meetings work and Conclusion
I have done this personally and it has turned out quite awesome. To me, this is the practical method of getting married. Some may not agree with my methodology and to them, I wish good luck. I am not here to say things that people want to hear but to make you happy in the long term. I call it tough love.
The reason Marriage Meetings work is because you have no commitment with your potential spouse. In most modern relationship people want to ask these questions but they don’t due to fear of rejection or a backlash.
If your potential spouse is hesitant to follow this guide and methodology then perhaps they’re not sincere about you or marriage.
Should you come up with a question of your own that I have not covered, ask it and let me know too so I can add it to this guide.
Marriage is a life commitment and having a sudden crush is not good enough to sustain it; A marriage must go deeper than that.
How the marriage guide came into being
Having researched on almost everything that has lead to the failure of millions of marriages from marriage counselors, family support organisations, therapists and researchers. I have for every scenario formed a question and topic to talk about. To discuss tough subject matters so they don’t later popup and surprise you.
What I want to avoid happening
With this whole process I want you to avoid building faulty foundations. Most relationships you might know of have started with dating first. But dating is a flawed concept which is built upon lies and pretence. You lie to yourself and you lie about yourself.
And guess what? The person you are dating does the exact same thing to you. The net result is you both end up marrying the wrong person. Marriage is something to be enjoyed not endured. My “101 Practical Questions To Ask Each Other Before Getting Married” Marriage Guide is that one off bitter pill that you take and save yourself from taking thousands of headache pills later as you watch your marriage crumble in front of you.
Advice before attending a Marriage Meeting.
When asking the questions: I cannot dictate to you what answer is correct and what is incorrect. Judge each answer against your own principles, lifestyle, ethics, beliefs system and above everything your intuition.
When answering the questions: It is very likely that both of you will have a copy of this guide with you. So please for the sake of everything holy, your sanity and true happiness, be as honest as you can. No pretenses. At this stage you have no reason to care what the other person thinks so don’t fall for them until every last question has been discussed. Doing so will just make you engineer your answers to momentarily appease them and momentarily is not what I want this relationship to be. I want it to last beyond life. I want you to find your soulmate.