Mature adults are aware that managing emotions is their own responsibility and will never dump their problems on you
First off, just be clear, it is never your responsibility to help your boyfriend get over his ex. It is generally considered bad form to bring up the subject of an ex in a new relationship and should be avoided at all costs. Technically, your boyfriend shouldn’t have jumped into a new relationship if he is still getting over an old one.
It isn’t healthy to be picking up the broken pieces of your partner’s heart. And cleaning up the mess that their ex left behind.
Nobody wants to be a rebound. if they are emotionally invested. It isn’t fair to you to be acting like you’re his mother while he’s whining and crying about his ex.
Read: Rebound Relationship
Tell him straight not to speak to you about her ever again. You can explain that it makes you feel like he is not fully invested in you or ready for another relationship. (so he knows why not to do it again).
At this point, you could even ask if he feels he is able to overcome his past? Ask him if he really wants to continue dating you. Tell him you are more than happy to give him all the time he needs if he feels like the two of you have a good shot.
Alternatively, if the worst comes to the worst you can leave him and sign up to GoMarry.com where you can find someone that is actually ready for commitment.
However, if you see massive potential in your guy and figure that he just needs a little help in overcoming a mindset that is clearly irrational. Make him realize why he needs to get over his ex.
Here are a few tips that will point him in the right direction towards healing his broken heart. Once you have laid down the boundary about bringing up his ex, give him the following advice and let go of the outcome:
He Needs to Practice Mindfulness
Emotions don’t always make sense, but over time we can process them and successfully move on. Mindfulness is all about allowing thoughts and emotions to pass through the mind, without identifying with the experience. For example, he may feel that he misses his ex even though he knows she was not good for him.
When we are no longer in the midst of the difficulties that caused us to break up. We often tend to romanticize the experience and remember only the good times. In this case, try to reprogram his emotions so that he could get over his ex.
Read: Reprogram Your Mind: Your Ex Was Not The One
It takes a conscious effort to shift the mind from giving in to the illusions. Encourage your guy to meditate and journal about his feelings. Some of the things to journal about would include a list of pros and cons about the ex to put the experience into perspective.
Be True to Yourself
In the face of comparison, it can be tempting to try and show your boyfriend that you are better than his ex. While it is good to make an effort in any relationship, trying to be someone you’re not will only make him miss her more. Instead of trying to one-up her, just be yourself. Over time he will realize how special you are, and if he doesn’t then he is not the one for you anyway.
They say that the best way to get over a girl is to get under a different one. There is some truth in this, but don’t use sex as your only means of showing him how great you are. Sex is the cherry on top, and you are the cupcake so let him get a taste of how great you are as a person and he will soon forget all about her.
