Your significant other keeping in contact with their ex is a touchy subject for anybody. You know they’ve been close and they’ve shared a deep connection before, so it makes sense to feel threatened. Although, if your boyfriend is trying to make sure you don’t find out about it, then that should immediately raise a red flag. Strong relationships are built on a foundation of honesty and trust. Couples need to understand this going into things right from the beginning. Keeping secrets is a sure path to a troubled partnership.
If your boyfriend and his ex have a good friendship and it’s strictly platonic, you may need to come to terms with that, but if it is just an innocent friendship, then he shouldn’t feel the need to hide it from you. It would be unfair to expect him to abandon a friendship because of your own insecurities, but seeing as he’s being secretive about the whole thing, that kind of response is actually valid. You need to confront him with this issue and explain to him that you’re uncomfortable with the situation. If he refuses to accept the facts, he might need to be forced to see it from your point of view. Ask him how he would feel if you suddenly became best friends with your ex, and beyond that if you decided to keep that interaction a secret from him. If he’s not capable of coming to the realization on his own that this is unacceptable behavior, you will probably need to spell it out for him. The chances are that he wouldn’t appreciate it either, therefore if he cares about you and is genuinely committed to the relationship, he will stop his shenanigans right then and there. Giving people a taste of their own medicine is a bit immature and I normally wouldn’t recommend it, but sometimes it’s necessary to show people the hurt their actions are causing by shifting the roles around on them. It’s a childish tactic, yet it can be used as a last resort to get the message across.
Your partner should be the most important person in your life, and you should be willing to make sacrifices for them in a heartbeat. If you truly matter to your boyfriend as much as he might suggest, then even if his friendship with his ex is well-intentioned, he should be willing to give it up to make you happy. Doing everything in his power to keep you content should be his prime concern, and if he’s okay with letting an ex get in the way of that, then he needs to reassess his priorities. If it comes down to it, you may even need to give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t choose to make you feel comfortable over being friends with an ex, then there are much deeper problems at hand and maybe he’s not the right guy for you after all. To learn about all the relationship dos and don’ts, take a look at GoMarry.com.