Realism vs. Idealism in Relationships

Oh, the rose-colored glasses of infatuation, how I wish you would fuck off! The number of times I have thought that I have truly found “the one” is more than I care to count. You’d think that being the professional dater that I am, I would have learned a lot sooner that this is what happens during the infatuation phase.


It was only when I found out the difference between infatuation and love that I began to realize how much of an illusion this phase can actually be.  Apparently, when we fall in love, there are actually chemicals that are released that have a physical effect on us! These aren’t just any chemicals either. We’re talking about the same chemical that gets released when you take drugs – dopamine.


This distracting and euphoric state stimulates the imagination and causes us to think only the best of this new stranger. But because you still don’t really know much about this person, it is like you are dealing with a blank canvas and the subconscious tends to take over and paints a total fairytale. Look, it’s good to be hopeful and optimistic about life but when you are infatuated the brain begins to create elaborate stories about your crush that aren’t necessarily true.


Hollywood is to blame for the narratives of perfection that your brain will project onto an innocent human being. For those of us who have only ever dreamed of what true love could be like, without a real-life role model to emulate, it is only natural to turn to Hollywood and social media as a reference point. However, these sources of inspiration bedazzle our minds with a false concept of love that left untamed, begins to grow into unrealistic expectations.


Many people think that once they meet a certain person, they will be forever happy – swept away in a cloud of bliss and orgasms. This kind of thinking is also known as a fantasy or idealism. In reality, true love is not about escaping from all your problems, but about the companionship of facing problems together. If you are ready to experience true intimacy in a relationship and accept all of the imperfections of your other half, then you are ready for your forever love.


In reality, being married for the rest of your life is not about romance. Sure romance can be a part of it, but it is only the cherry on top of the cake. It is well known that you have to work at your relationship. Just like a job, there will be times where you don’t want to make a sacrifice. But you need to keep the end in mind. A real relationship is based primarily on shared values, followed closely by shared beliefs. The best way to find a person that you have a lot in common with is to use a site such as, where you are matched with people similar to you.

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