Stop Comparing Your Boyfriend to Your Ex

How to Stop Comparing Your Boyfriend to Your Ex

Even within the privacy of your own mind, it is unhealthy to compare two individuals


Nobody likes to be compared, and it goes without saying that you should never verbally compare your boyfriend with your ex. Yes, it is good to have a benchmark of standards that you measure your potential suitors with. But when this benchmark is based on tiny little things that are specific to your ex, the comparison will only do more harm than good.


You and Your Ex Broke Up For a Reason

Regardless of the good memories and qualities of your ex. There was a reason that things didn’t work out. Whether you were incompatible as a couple or he was immature, the fact remains that he was not the one for you.

It’s an unfortunate aspect of human nature that our hearts tend to fixate on all of the good times, and completely ignore the reality of the situation. It’s a cruel trick of the mind that hindsight comes hand in hand with a prescription pair of rose-colored glasses.

When these thoughts crop up, try to look at the facts objectively. Maybe your ex was extremely passionate but unstable. He may have swept you off your feet with grand gestures but when it came to reliability he just wasn’t there for you.

Read: How To Help Your Boyfriend Get Over His Ex


How to Let Go and Move On

It helps to hold onto the reason why you broke up, to actively remind yourself that it would never have worked. Instead, focus your mind on all of the good qualities of your new boyfriend. If you are having trouble directing your thoughts. You can start a gratitude journal of all the things you love about your new boyfriend.

Remember, contrary to popular belief the heart does not know what it wants. The heart only knows what it wants right now and doesn’t think about the future. Drug addicts and alcoholics are a clear example of this. Love is similar to a drug because it also releases feel-good chemicals in the body, so be aware that you might be suffering from love addiction.

Read: Fantasy Relationship Addiction

Realize that your ex was completely unique and they are gone forever now. I know it’s hard to hear, but you have to accept the reality in order to move on. Although you miss certain elements of your ex, your new boyfriend will have qualities that are much better in many spheres.

As you are still getting to know the new guy, don’t forget that he is capable of exceeding your wildest expectations. You can’t predict the future, so you don’t know in what areas he will pleasantly surprise you. This could be the very guy who shows you real and lasting love because love is so much more than a few good memories or qualities.

Read: How to Act With Dignity After a Breakup

Love is stability, commitment, trust, shared values and visions of the future. If it doesn’t work out with the new guy, you can find men with these qualities on, a site dedicated to helping you find a lifelong partner.

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