What is Self Love Really and How to Develop It

What is Self-Love Really and How to Develop It

The concept of self love is all over the internet. Quotes like “Self love is the greatest middle finger of all time” and “Love yourself first so everything else falls in line”, make out that self love is the solution to all problems


More and more influencers are promising the healing powers of self-love but when they list ways to love yourself, these often sound more like romance than actual love.

Ideas such as get a manicure, take a long bath or travel once a year are all focused on external events and are not true examples of self-love.

They say you have to love yourself before you can successfully love another, and this has a lot of truth to it.


What is Self Love?

Self-love acts as a mirror for the rest of your life because your perception of your worth affects the way you allow other people to treat you. That is why boundaries and learning to say no, is a huge part of self-love. When you love someone, you want to protect them from physical and emotional harm. Likewise, with self-love, you need to protect yourself.

Read: Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationship

When I first heard about self-love, I used to take myself out on “dates”. I might take a walk to go and get ice cream or visit an art gallery. While having fun and being indulgent is a part of self-love, real self-love is about more than pleasure and romance.

We are talking about true, deep, uplifting and lifelong love. True self-love is about trusting and believing in yourself, accepting all of your flaws, forgiving yourself when you make a mistake, standing up for yourself (even if your own mind is against you) and staying true to yourself when you are pressured to conform. It is about taking care of your needs as well as honoring your thoughts and emotions.


How to Develop Self Love

The first step of learning to love yourself is to become self-aware. Mindfulness is the art of acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and emotions. By taking the time to check in with yourself, you can stay on top of your feelings and learn to process them more effectively.

Often we go through the day being too hard on ourselves and beating ourselves up over every little mistake. However when you practice mindfulness you can learn to catch those thoughts before they spiral out of control, and combat them with reminders of your goodness. This includes learning how to comfort, encourage, inspire and appreciate yourself when you are feeling down.

Read: Love Yourself First


Try A Love Letter

A great way to affirm yourself and practice self-love is to write yourself a love letter. You can write about all of your good qualities, and also about your hopes and dreams or past accomplishments. A similar technique is to list all the things you like about yourself every morning as a way of starting the day.

It takes practice but with the repeated effort, you can honestly learn to make positive thoughts about yourself a habit, and your new self-esteem will be life-changing.

While you are in the process of finding your perfect match on GoMarry.com, be sure to spend some extra time developing yourself love in preparation for marriage.

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